Memoir

As you know, or don't know, 5th grade is hard. Everyone wants to be popular and struggling to fit in is difficult. I had that problem once and the time I tried to fix it made everything worse.
My best friend Dana and I ruled the 5th grade. We were popular and smart and funny and no matter what we did we or thought, we were always cool. If Dana said it was cool, I said it was cool. If Dana liked Britney Spears, I liked Britney Spears, even though I liked Britney Spears anyways. One time, when we were on the playground, Dana started laughing so hard that she peed her pants. Though she was the one who started laughing first, she, for some unknown reason, got mad that I couldn't stop. She stormed away from the tire swing and marched into the entrance towards the main office. When we got back to our classroom from recess, Dana was strutting around the classroom like a supermodel. We all looked at her like she was one. Dana had on the coolest, most expensive looking stirr-up pants I, and everyone else in the class, had ever seen. Not only were they polka dot, but they were polka dotted in gold. We looked at her like it was real gold. Everyone gave Dana the utmost attention the rest of the day. Because I was vying for the attention of everyone, just as Dana did, I knew I had to conjur up a plan as equally as rewarding as Dana's popularity. Laying in bed that night, I knew just what I had to do. The next day, I went to school and waited until right before the first recess bell before I asked to go to the bathroom. After sitting on the toilet for the imagined alloted time it would have taken to go, I